Living Our Amends Condado 12 & 12 Alcoholics Anonymous in San Juan, Puerto Rico

In his book he shares the situation of a woman who has a fight with her brother. Though he calls her following the argument, she doesn’t answer. Though we would certainly suggest she read some of our other posts on seems like regret and self-forgiveness, we also deeply appreciate the option of a ‘living amends’. When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward. You might go to that person and take responsibility for what you have done wrong, express you deep remorse, and ask what you can do to make it up to them.

• You may also have the opportunity in the future to make more direct amends with certain people in time.
• At Living Amends, we understand lack of finances is the main reason most clients do not follow through with a sober living environment.
• They get the opportunity to express how my actions affected them.
• With all those articles (that you should go back and check out if you haven’t read them), it would be easy to assume we have said all there is to say.

Maybe it is a fight you always thought you had time to resolve. Perhaps it is something you said or did while they were ill. Now, whether it is an apology, a want for forgiveness, or an amends, that person isn’t here and it makes it hard to imagine any of those things are possible.

Recovery Advocacy

By proactively correcting previous mistakes, those in recovery may be able to prevent future conflicts that could trigger a relapse. It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt. Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. We can also make amends by living very purposefully within the bounds of our principles. For example, if we hurt people with our lying and we cannot make amends without further injuring them, we would make living amends by making a decision to behave and communicate with complete honesty.

It would be easy to think there is nothing more WYG can write about guilt and grief. We’ve written about how common guilt is in grief (you wouldn’t believe how many people get the “coulda woulda shouldas”). We wrote an article about the difference between guilt and regret. We talked about the complicated processes of self-forgiveness and self-compassion. We’ve filled you in on things that can exacerbate guilt, like hindsight bias and survivors’ guilt.

What Do You Say When Making Amends? – The Step 9 Amends Letter

Part of healing the past is owning the wrongs we have made towards people and places while living in our addiction. An amends is not an apology or “I’m sorry” for a wrongdoing. The most widely accepted way to offer an amends is to simply state, “I did (fill in the blank), what can I do to make that right for you? ” It is not a time to make living amends excuses for our behavior instead, it’s an open door for the wronged person to express themselves. They get the opportunity to express how my actions affected them. We only give to individuals who are serious about their sobriety and have personally already invested in their long-term recovery by attending a residential treatment facility.

• Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said.
• Unfortunately, this scenario plays out much too often in the lives of people who didn’t get a chance to correct their mistakes and past behaviors in time.
• Our board members will review your application and invite you to participate in a telephone interview.
• Being specific also makes the amends that you offer more achievable.
• Living Amends is a non-profit organization supporting those serious about sobriety by trusting God, cleaning house and helping others.

A qualified behavioral therapist can help you identify the areas of your life that need attention. Other individuals who have completed Step 9, such as your sponsor, may be able to help you choose a meaningful way to make indirect amends. If you have devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9. Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others.

Recovery Coaching

We came from very humble beginnings, and would love to tell you our story of success and recovery. Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others. A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends.

It can be tempting to say things like “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you,” but try to avoid these blanket statements. They miss the opportunity to be truly reflective about how your wrongdoings have impacted the other person and can be misread. The other person may hear the same statement as exasperation with them or a minimizing of the ways you’ve hurt them. Instead, try to reference specific times when you hurt the other person and/or let them down.