Step 8 A A: Making a List for Amends FHE Health FHE Health

“Before that, there was nowhere to go and say, ‘I have a problem with alcohol’ or ‘I’m obsessed with sex,’ or ‘I don’t think God loves me,’ ” she says. While we are unable to respond to your feedback directly, we’ll use this information to improve our online help. To act beyond our old patterns of behavior, many of us require guidance. Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when things get tough. How do you prove your worth to others after so many failed chances? Living amends involve this daily dedication to avoiding new wrongdoings as evidence of growth.

Practicing Forgiveness and Self-Compassion

• For Mary, a Chicago woman who overcame a compulsion with food through Overeaters Anonymous, prayer also was instrumental in her spiritual conversion–one that ultimately led her to join the Catholic Church.
• One of her children is killed crossing the street on their own even after telling their mother that they were afraid to cross the busy street alone.
• The sincerity and importance of making amends should hopefully be unaffected by how they are received, underscoring it is a personal commitment to growth, not reliant on someone else’s reception.
• People get tired of broken promises, of forgiving over and over and giving second and third, fourth, or fifth chances only to get hurt again.
• Making amends means apologizing but also goes one step further—doing everything in your power to repair the damage, restore the relationship, and/or, replace what you took.

Each step signifies a new challenge to reflect and/or act in a way that changes old mindsets and behaviors that once fed addiction. Through mutual support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, members learn and practice these spiritual steps and principles, with a view to staying sober and helping others do the same. Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them.

• If you’re untrustworthy and unreliable, come to terms with those characteristics of yours.
• Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor.
• Not only does she see the obvious affinity between Reconciliation and Steps 4 and 5, she also believes working the program can go hand-in-hand with Mass and Communion.
• Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf.

Recovery Coaching

Wilson had drawn on those spiritual principles to become sober, and he in turn helped Smith give up drinking. When the two men reached out to a third alcoholic, they essentially started living amends the first AA group. If truthful answers to these questions reveal that you’re not ready to move on, or that you may even need to go back to earlier steps, set the list aside for later.

Volunteering and Community Service

“This is a clean, clear, popular statement in American culture of accepting the presence of possibly more than one God.” Most importantly, the steps are worked within a community of people who suffer from similar addictions. This can take a very long time, months or even a year for some, but you shouldn’t rush it. Other people who have completed this task might tell you how freeing it is, and while that may be true, trying to take a shortcut is is only limiting the power that this step will bring to your recovery. Full disclosure, however, may harm the one with whom you are making amends, or quite often, other people.

In simple terms, it means taking responsibility for the person you used to be and how you caused harm to the people in your life who care about you. State how you are taking personal responsibility for the hurt you’ve caused. Making amends means apologizing but also goes one step further—doing everything in your power to repair the damage, restore the relationship, and/or, replace what you took. If you’re writing a letter, whether sending or sharing it in person, spend some time reflecting on and sharing the actions you’re taking to redress the wrong(s) done. After acknowledging how actions tied to their addictions had a negative impact on people in their lives, those in 12-step recovery programs commit to making direct amends whenever possible. An important element of step nine is that those in recovery have already begun making amends to themselves by changing some of their behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs.

Navigating Step Nine: Living Amends

In these cases, they make promises of cleaning up their act and changing their behaviors to their loved ones just before they die. The origin of living amends in modern use relates to addiction recovery and substance abuse treatment. However, in the context of grief recovery, David Kessler, in his book Finding Meaning, talks about the importance of living amends as a tool for grief healing. In particular, he discusses how to heal when the person we need to make amends with is no longer living. Living amends can help you rid yourself of the pain of guilt and the need to constantly say “I’m sorry” to the people you’ve wronged in your life. When a person has died, you can still make amends for your actions.

When and Why Do People Make Living Amends?

Along with reinforcing new behaviors and outlooks, making amends can also reduce stress. Many who lived with addiction have past behaviors they’re not proud of. By proactively correcting previous mistakes, those in recovery may be able to prevent future conflicts that could trigger a relapse.

New images of God Celeste gets annoyed when people talk about the “spiritual part” of 12-Step programs. “That’s the whole thing–that God does this for us. Our obsession is lifted; there’s no white-knuckling. It’s not about will power. It’s about clearing the path and being willing.” Although there were many other contributing factors, AA and other 12-Step programs also had a hand in the “I’m spiritual but not religious” attitude so prevalent today. “There is no question that it contributed to spirituality coming to be seen as something different from religion,” says Tickle. Religious roots From the very beginning, AA was a spiritual program. Founders Bill Wilson, a New York stockbroker, and Dr. Bob Smith, an Akron, Ohio surgeon, had both been involved in the Oxford Group, a Christian movement that emphasized universal spiritual values in daily living.

Identifying 3 Types of Amends: Direct, Indirect, and Living